Secrets

Double Entry Day, just because I found something cool and wanted to share it! :p Frank Warren did an Ask Me Anything thread on reddit and it provided me awareness of his site. It's a community art project where he gets sent secrets in postcard art format anonymously, and he then reads, picks and chooses those to be featured on the site and published books. It's an interesting site that has been going on for years and it's only now that I found out about it. Thanks Reddit! There are many secrets that have been featured that can trigger all sort of emotions.

One striking secret I want to centre on is this one:

The 9/11 was a huge devastasting global event, it affected many people in all sort of different ways. I was safely in my home in England watching it all happen on TV. To actually be there and actually experience the event I can only imagine. The fear, the adrenaline, the hopelessness, the death that occured, seems unbearable to me. And this secret brings a whole new perspective.

It's an incredible powerful image, and is for certain a modern work of art in my eyes. There're so much more hidden secrets within this, it's just so fascinating to me. If you think about it this person having experienced the event, who may have excaped certain death. Knowing that she or he survived, all they could think about is escaping and starting again. What does it take for someone to want to start a new life? Who were the people he/she left behind? The suffering or relief that caused from his/her fake death. The feeling from moment of making that decision must have been incredible! The liberating feeling of freedom? Cutting ties with family, friends, enemies? Then once you've started a new life, the dark and ever increasing secret in hiding your past. The lies you need to keep in starting again, the constant looking over your shoulder? Just WOW!

From another perspective. Imagine the family and friends of victims from the 9/11, where the bodies were not found and then having read this. The images of hope or wonder that their loved one is still alive in this world is also a powerful response from the secret.

Let's think for the moment about yourself hypothetically. If you had just faked your own death how would you feel. Relief? Regret? Those people you have left behind, would you miss them? I'm trying to imagine myself, how I'd feel for me to leave my family and friends, work and responsibilities. It's hard to imagine, in some sense there would be some relief, in another the cause of pain and suffering that would be caused because of it. It's like contemplating suicide, but just escaping and living with the fact you've left it all behind, keeping the past hidden and carry on suriviving. Too much for my little brain to bear, especially on a quiet Friday afternoon at work.

Now this being the internet, who knows what's real and what's fake. Even if this is fake it has created some thought provoking art, and because of that I still commend it!

My Secret

Personally I don't have many secrets, I've had too much of a boring, standard life but I do have a secret that I'm willing to share now that I'm older. When I was young, I can't remember how old, I was messing around with a tennis racket indoors, wacking a small cuddly toy against the wall. This was in the living room, where we had a rather large aquarium, with fishes. To provide context of the location. We lived in a take away, so the ground floor was the kitchen and take away area, and the upstairs was our bedrooms, living room and bathrooms. So anyway as you can guess one swing got a bit too wild and I smashed the top of the fish tank. In a panic I didn't know what to do, water was gushing down, the carpet floor was getting wet! If my parents found out I'd have got a right rollicking so I didn't want to admit that I did it. So how can I get away with it? Well because the fish tank was positioned below the clock on the wall. I took down the clock and placed it into the gap where the aquarium was broken. Then made my way downstairs like nothing had happened.

After some agonising minutes of waiting for someone to go upstairs and discover what has happened. Eventually my mum walks up and finds the damage that has been done, and she comes down in shock and horror and tells my dad that the clock fell down and smashed the fish tank! Huzzah I got away with it! Well sort of.... I was still  the one to clean up the mess with a mop and bucket, as my parents were still working at the time. So although I wasn't officially punishment, it was enough redemption for me to clean it up for myself. At least I felt guilt free in not owning up. Note the fishes survived and we bought a new fish tank to replace it.

So that's my little secret. :p It's not much of one, but it's one I'll always remember. Maybe I'll submit this secret to Postsecret and see if it gets featured.

'The clock didn't do it... I did.'

Will have to think of cool art work to go with it. :p

Decision Making- Puke story

Well Starcraft 2 is still keeping me busy, and annoyingly I'm still wondering what could have been with my ex. I think I'm at a lull period in my life and I'm just expecting myself to get through the process of moving into my new place, and wanting a new start from there.

I've decided I'll start and concentrate on my studies then, but it can't come soon enough. I just want to be there now so I can concentrate on all of this and keep myself busy. I'm  relishing the responsibility of having a mortgage, bills to pay, furnishing, just owning a house, that I can call my own home. All these years I've been renting and paying into someone elses pocket. It's time to invest and pay something back to myself. I'm thankful that my parents are helping me out in the process. I suppose being the son of the family there is still that chinese tradition in having a strong male foundation.

The first place I saw, was great. It was my first experience in getting an offer accepted. To put things into perspective, I had failed my exams, and on the verge of a breakup with my now ex. I put all my hopes and dreams into this one property, as I negotiate well and got a great deal. I mean I felt so happy that I got all the furniture included. I thought maybe this is the point in where I can start again, but then suddenly it fell through and it really got to me. I had a sinking feeling, and was on the verge of tears. It was like nothing is going right in my life. I was left feeling empty and hopeless. Obviously I was really just dissappointemnt, but I got myself in gear again straight away, of which I'm very glad I did, otherwise I would not have found the current place now.

It's extremely silly to think that my world is turning to shit, when really it's still ok, when compared to many other people's lives. I'm actually being the unrealistic one here. I should be very grateful of my current situation. First world problem I guess... :).

Anyway from this ordeal in finding a property, I've realise I am capable in making a good decision. I know at times I can be indecisive, but I know there have been times in my life where I can make important split decision quite well. My crisis management is very good for some reason I don't know why. Story time:

One specific moment when, a bunch of my friends, were on a ways to a friends BBQ. Kev was driving, Andy in the front seat with Jess and I at the back. We had a night out before drinking cocktails as such but this being the next day most of us are feeling hungover, yet seemed ok. As we made our way not 15 minutes into the journey. Andy blurted out 'pull over I need to throw up'. Kev was like seriously? and couldn't pull over straight away, as it was a busy road and you cant just stop there but there was a turning coming up.

Now you know that feeling of when you're on the verge of gagging and the puke is on the edge of your throat, and at times you can control it and even save it by swallowing it back down. Horrible, but doable. Now there are times you think you can hold it back, but no matter what your body doesn't want it and it's coming out. Andy was obviously on the verge and unable to hold it back, so he did what most people do as a natural reaction, but also the worse thing possible thing and that's to cover your mouth as you throw up.

If you're a physics teacher this would be a prime example at it's finest of how build up in pressure works. I'm sure you've used a hose and placed your thumb over the nozzle but leave a small gap to create that spray of water to increase the distance. Well now imagine a mouth full of puke wanting to get out, with only your mouth and hand to stop it from going out. The mouth fails to keep it in, so now so it's your hands. I've never been able to pick up a perfect ball of water in my hands as the small gaps between your fingers always lets the water through, so you can guess what happens next.

All I can say to describe it, that it was like an explosion of utrid puke water, that smelled of horrid rotten banana soup. Luckily most of it went on himself, as I think at least he tried to contain it on his T-shirt, but it's the spray of back wash puke is what hits everything in it's path.

The car manages to come to a stop, and silence ensures. Andy breaks the silence by apologising continuously, whilst Jess is now in shock suddenly says. 'I can't stay here or I'm going to throw up too'. I took charge of the situation and I told her to get out of the car! We all got out, and I went to look at our current surroundings to see whether there were any shops close by.

Luckily there was a petrol station and I helped Andy walk over there and he went into the toilet to clean himself up and I believe destroy the toilet with more puke as he decribes later on. I purchased some kitchen towels and some air freshner. Made my way back and Kev did the process of cleaning up. I suppose it's not much of a story of crisis management but when no-one is on the verge of doing anything to sort it out, I just stepped up.

To finish the story off, we drove back home whilst he got himself cleaned up and got a change of clothes before we started the journey again. We even got there earlier than some other people.

Well change can help put things into perspective, create a new beginning. I've started and restarted this blog a number of times already, and it always mentions a new start. So it feels like I'm repeating myself given the limited amount of entries I have in this blog, but it's a much necessity on my part to keep my self in check.