Admitting Wrong

Time for a more solemn entry for the weekend.

Couples will fight no doubt about that, I've not come across any couple that has never had an arguement with each other, ever. Relationships can be a struggle sometimes, it's how you deal with disagreements, resolving them and moving on that's the challenge.

I for one am not the best person to be giving advice in resolving relationship issues, but having experienced it first hand from an argumentative ex. I've come to realise it's simply to be able to admit wrong that is the toughest test for anyone. Even myself, when I think I am right, I will fight my own corner. However I'd like to believe I can admit wrong, it just can still take time to get there. This is all well and good if the answer has a right and wrong outcome, it's the grey areas that are hard to resolve.

Especially in a relationship when feelings are taken into consideration. My ex would eventually fall on the why are you arguing with me are you trying to make me unhappy? For my ex, there was a sense of obligation that she felt she had from me. I was obliged to never shout at her, I was obliged to forgive her easily, I was obliged to never be mad at her. Yet she was obliged to do all those things to me. Equality in a relationship is important, and yet from me I didn't mind if I did more for her, just as long as she was happy, because that was all I cared about, that she was happy. She used this against me and it worked most of the time, as I would be upset at myself if I cause her to be sad, angry, or disappointment in me.

How do you combat that? It's a no win situation. When someone is competitive, argumentative, always wanting to be right. Are these healthy attributes? ....I can tell you it was a struggle.

She wanted me to literally do anything for her. She had insecurity problems that lies deep. A little spoilt maybe.... it didn't help that I spoilt her too. Yet no matter what I did it was never enough to prove that I loved her..... There were also trust issues. If there was anything I wouldn't do for her, she couldn't accept it. Where is the reason? Where is the equality? ....She drove me crazy.

Relationships are tough, and I believe people can overcome problems, but if someone is unable to compromise or be reasonable, how can they be together. I tried, and maybe it could have worked, if either of us changed. I could have given in all the time, and let her control my life, it would have made her happy, although it wouldn't have made me happy about myself, it would make me happy seeing her happy. You either accept and sacrifice certain criteria and work towards a reasonable solution for both parties to be happy or to end it. We ended it.

Is it just sticking to your principles? Is it being stubborn? Maybe it's selfish? Possibly all, regardless whether it's being right, you have most likely hurt each other at an emotional level and that really you are both right and wrong. The hardest part is admitting you are wrong. However, maybe it would be easier to think that there is a possibility that you are wrong, and that's the first step. And this goes to life in general and not just being in a relationship.

Religious beliefs, work processes, management, politcal systems. If people can stop believing in absolutes, and think in terms of possibilities, it could be a start in being able to get along with each other. Thinking the possibility that there is no god. Thinking that there is  possibility there is a God. Think in terms of their perspective, and the reasons behind it.

Yet, even by doing so, you can't count out generally bad people. Vindictiveness, selfishness, greed, jealousy are other aspects which can not be helped. Sad as it maybe, as long as there are humans and inequality, there will always be conflict. Even love can create bad emotions. For me there will always be a glimmer of hope in human compassion, as long as people are able to talk and understand one another and not just dismiss someones point of view.

Hmmm... I promise a more positive outlook in my next entry about my ex, because I don't want to provide a bad outlook on her. I will describe the fun and great times for being in a relationship, of which I still miss.