Busy

Lack of entries lately, because I've been busy with Diablo 3, house stuff and having to try to study for my exam next week. :'( Wish me luck!

Common Harrassment?

Reddit never fails to deliver in providing good material to write and talk about. I've got a few entries drafted up already on topics I'd like to share. First this one in particular, is a post about one women's experience in dealing with men.

One extract I'd like to share I've copied and pasted, but it's all there for you to read.

Blehhhhhh Writes:

'Sit back - this is gonna be long.

You have to understand - this isn't just mindless fear coming from nowhere. This isn't media-driven. This fear comes from a million interactions with men over a lifetime - men who go too far and feel that it's ok to touch/grope and otherwise threaten you (and of course, rape, at the far end of the spectrum).

This starts early - bra snapping, for instance. I'm not saying it's sexual assault for a young guy to snap a young girl's bra, but it's intrusive, unwanted, humiliating and painful. Somehow, these boys think it's ok or even funny to do this. It's objectifying and implies that these boys think a girl's body/underwear are his to do with as he pleases.

I remember in 8th grade Flashdance was a huge movie (yes, I'm old). I was wearing - as a lot of girls were - a sweatshirt that was cut out at the neck, so one shoulder was exposed (like the lead character in the movie). I didn't think anything of how I looked, I just wanted to wear a Flashdancesweatshirt. That day, a boy I had never spoken to sneered at me and said "You're just wearing that so everyone looks at your boobs." He was angry. I have never been so humiliated before or since. I was 12 and I had no concept that someone might be looking at my breasts, or that someone would wear a shirt just to make that happen.

The thing that burned that interaction on my brain though, and makes it a propos, was his anger about it. Like I was trying to fuck with him. It's the same anger that comes through loud and clear when some guy yells "Hey, nice tits."

In Jr. high/high school we all start to learn about the unexpected grope. About the guy who slips his hand on your chair so you sit on it, then laughs with all his friends. About the hard pinch on your ass in the hallway, or the straight up grab both your breasts move. Again, mocking, angry laughter with the guy's friends usually accompanies these things.

Are you starting to get the picture?

High school is usually also when men (often much older men) start to drive very slowly next to us, trying to "talk" to us and get us in the car.

There are so many many more examples. Guys grinding on you in the club. Guys jerking off next to you on the bus, guys cornering you on the street. Guys and their friends forming a circle around you and you barely escape.

Here's another good one from my own memory banks. I was a senior in high school and went to a college party with a friend. We were both gothy girls and my friend called herself a "witch." One of the guys at the party asked her about the pentagram she was wearing, she told him she was a witch, and he started to get really belligerent. His friends joined in, taunting us both and saying we were devil worshipers. Then shit got scary - he and his friend picked up pool cues and said they were going to shove them so far up us they'd get the devil out. They tried to grab us, we shoved past them and ran.

Are you starting to understand why strange men talking to you on the street is so threatening?

I've had guys follow me home from work. There was one guy who lived at a halfway house at the end of my block who used to wait for me to get off the bus so he could leer at me and say all sorts of disgusting shit.

Thankfully, most of this has stopped now that I'm a mom and middle aged - that makes me pretty much invisible to men (it's actually kind of funny how invisible I am now!) But -- as recently as 2 years ago when I was 7 months pregnant there were guys who would yell shit at me.

Oh, and I'm just an average-looking woman.

All this to say - there's a long history for most women of harassment, straight up assault, possibly rape that has us all in a constant state of alert. So, keep that in mind if you want to meet a girl you see on the street.

Don't act threatening. Don't follow her. If she seems freaked out, stop trying to talk to her. Your best bet is NOT to compliment her on her appearance. Strike up a conversation about something else. Say something funny. Talk about the weather. Comment on what's in her shopping cart. ANYTHING but her appearance (that includes asking about tattoos, piercings, etc). That's just a giant red flag. And then, if she seems friendly, keep talking for a bit - like a friendly person, not someone who wants to get laid. And then - give her your number and ask if she'd like to get coffee sometime.

There is NO REASON for a man to talk to a woman about her appearance if he doesn't know her. It's intrusive, even if it's just "you look nice today." Why can't you just think that, and keep it to yourself? Why do you feel the need to make her know that you think she's attractive? That's all about your wants and your needs and nothing at all to do with her.

So again I say, if you want to talk to a woman you've never met, talk about anything else but what she looks like.'

Wow!

It really shows the difference between men and women, at least how we are quite oblivious to it all. It's very unfortunate that she or any girl has to go through these types of experiences. Me being a man, even though I've had my butt being pinched in a club, I will never ever know what it's really like. I will admit I perve at women, I've been to stag dos, gone to strip clubs, partaken in lap dances etc. However, I have never gone up to stangers and said crude remarks about their bodies, and definitely not touched. If I notice a rather attractive lady, honestly I'll perve a little, but subtly, keep the thoughts to myself and that would be the end of it.

'American Girl in Italy' by Ruth Orkin

I know the male macho attitude in a group dynamic. There's an alpha male circle jerking, acting cool type attitude at times. I have laughed at my fair share of sexist remarks and comments from my friends, as much as I have laughed at many non-pc, bad taste and borderline racist jokes. We talk among ourselves and checking girls out, and objectifying them. Hell! I'd have lost a lot of 'man-points' just by writing this entry. I don't care. I'm sure it happens the other way round, but the difference is that girls get it a lot more frequently and in public too. To have that continue through out your life to be constantly perved at, touched and creeped out on......... No wonder girls will have a low opinion of the opposite sex, especially strangers.

The stories on that thread are interesting, because being a male I've no idea of how often these things occur. I feel like there needs to be some form of education with regards to the differences between men and women. We will never solve our differences without acknowledging/providing open discussions on experience we go through. Even if a guy with good intentions, goes up to women to honestly tell them they look nice,  it may not come off as how the guy intended. From a comment in the thread:

shakingpaper writes
'Why does that guy feel the need to say that I'm pretty? Should I keep my guard up now? Is that really all I have to offer--my looks? Why did he have to single me out? Now I feel embarrassed, I wish men would leave me alone....etc.'

smilesoup writes
'This is also exactly what runs through my head. Apprehension, nervousness, embarrassment, and potentially fear.'


I suppose some girls can appreciate the nicer comments said in the best intentions. However at least there is context in understanding why some girls have this fear/anxiety over strangers. Regardless if you're giving someone a compliment.


I mean we see strangers every day of our lives, we know nothing about them. The only thing we can judge is the appearance and how they look. If they show certain parts of their bodies in public, then men will naturally look. It's a survival reproductive instinct in our bodies if you will, it's natural. The difference however, is in controlling yourself and not be a jerk.  Rule of thumb is never disturb a stranger, unless it's an emergency. Personally I don't know why individual guys do it.

Just for the thrill? Maybe they are sad and lonely and this is the only way they are able to make contact with a beautiful woman. Maybe some are jealous of their looks, because they know that they could never be with someone that attractive they end up hating them and resenting them. Some may do it out of immaturity. Some thinks the world revolves around and only conceave women as only an object in their eyes. Some may do it to get a rise out of the person. Lots and lots of reasons... I swear I don't envy you girls. I feel like men have it much simpler. Constantly nervous and in potential fear, just from your looks, sounds like a horrible way to live.

Now knowing all this, it's probably going to make me more aware than I am already. This only reinforces my attitude to forced encounters. Can I ever pay a compliment to a complete stranger for a one time thing? I certainly think it's rather difficult to make definite contact with a girl with this method. In the end I don't think I would anyway. I'm far too passive to do that. So a smile and a hi is all you're going to get girls, unless something completely blows my mind and I just have to say it, and I'm not listening to my music. :p

I remember once, I noticed a girls cutest most slender hands, holding a bar whilst standing on a train. Never in my mind would I thought I'd give her a compliment, it's just something I noticed and kept to myself. Thinking back it would definitely freak her out, and probably make her all subconscious about it.I suppose all girls will treat each harassments/encounters differently, the fact that it happens all the time is worrying and unsettling. Makes me wonder how you girls walk out of the door sometimes.

If you're a guy and you want to meet a girl on the street or in a random public place this is something need to learn and be aware of. They have no idea who you are, you're stepping into their private space, so they're naturally going to be defensive to a random stranger. You'd need a lot of things going for you for it to even work. The setting has to be right, and the ice to be broken and that they have established that you're safe and not a creep.

This all sort of steps into that debate on girls dressing sensibly and responsibly. Yet it's such a shame, because you should be able to dress how you like and not be perceived a sexual objects. Yet it happens time and time again. It seems you girls just learn to deal with it, cope as best as you're able to, and now we've come to terms that this is 'normal' for this to happen, but it shouldn't be really it's the guys that need to stop it.

My advice is to learn to be safe girls and try to educate your fellow men.

My Meaning of Life.

We've all pondered it, we're all seeking the answers. This will be probably be a long entry to the point of a mini essay... lol. It probably won't make a whole lot of sense, but I'll try. :p

I get moments in my life where I stop and think... why am I the one controlling this body, why am I living this persons life till the end, what does it all mean?  I am controlling my thoughts and actions and writing this, you whoever is reading this, is controlling that body and is reading this blog. Have you ever had that sense of out of body perspective. I get the same feeling sometimes when I stop and look at people when I travel to and from work and wonder the many lives being controlled, all in their own world, trying to survive and getting through life.

The earliest enlightened moment of this was when I was probably around 5/6 years old. I was sitting on the floor with all the other children and listening to our teacher tell a story. I remember this because I was thinking about my situation that I'm just sitting here listening to this person talking and i was just thinking just how and why? It was a short moment of pondering, I was young and I didn't really know what I was thinking/seeing at the time so it passed and I carried on with my life. Yet I still remember that feeling, that first moment.

So the ultimate question... how was life created and the reason as to why we're all here? How are there so many living creatures all individually controlled, located in this one place called Earth?

I know through what I've learnt that I was created through a biological miracle via my father and mother. And yet at some point in that process, the growth and control of this body suddenly happened. There was a point where suddenly I became self aware. Is there such a thing as a soul? Was there an all mighty power who decides and creates souls inside new born babies? Animals, plants, Humans, all things living? The use of these bodies as a vessal before moving on to a greater meaning? Or simply our brain growing more developed, and we're a bunch of chemicals allowing intelligent thought processes? I believe we are so insignificant and significant at the same time.

I believe I am significant because I'm controlling this body, and it is in my interest to survive and make something happen through this male human life. It's all I can do, so it's very significant to me. We are all selfish to a degree for survival. Yet still I believe I'm insignificant, because I'm actually not even a tiny speck in the giant multiverse that we live in. When I look in to space I realised that we are nothing compared to the infinite space that is out there.

Arthur C. Clarke provides a great quote: 'Two possibilities exist: Either we are alone in the Universe or we are not. Both are equally terrifying.' And he is right! Which is more terrifying to you?

To me it would be more frightening that we are alone, because if this is all the life that is left, then we must cherish it and continue fighting for life and survival against all the odds. I would love to know that we are not alone, because it could provide more questions but also answers than regardless how dangerous it could possibly be.

We have sought to religion and science to find an answer, and yet both may or may not be the answer. At least either can provide some meaning to your life. Religions have been around the longest and arguably can provide the most meaning as upposed to science who are still seeking an answer. Neither is right or wrong, but in my opinion the best advice I can give to anyone is, to be able to admit that there is a possibility that whatever you believe in could be wrong. What I love about Scientists,  are that they are always trying to prove each other wrong. All established theories we know and love today, are still trying to be proved wrong. We have whittled down to a few theories that are acceptable, yet it's still not absolute correct. This is what differs to me between science and religion. For human progression and evolution, we need to continue to be seeking answers, rather than stopping and believing in something written in an old book to be absolute correct.

There could be many future breakthroughs in discoveries and yet people still cling on to a belief that they may have been born into. Don't get me wrong, I don't want to offend religion. I believe a religion can provide a decent way of life. It gives people's lives absolute meaning, who wouldn't want that. If everyone conformed to one outlook, a set of rules to live our lives, the better we all can be in getting along and living with one another. The problem is unfortunately that there are too many different of opinions and certain individuals have taken certain religions to extreme levels for individual gain.

Satirical books by Terry Pratchett known for his fantasy Discworld novels, provides a different perspective on life and death, often with humour. When someone dies in his novels, Death comes along with his scythe and cuts the cord that keeps the soul and the body together. The character that has just died often remarks on 'what happens now?'. Death's response in nonplussed, then what actually happens next, is that whatever the character believes in will happen.

For example, warriors who believed when they die in a battlefield in honour, they would be taken away to their heaven on horseback by big bussomed ladies, which is exactly what happens to them. Others who believe they will reincarnate, will do just that. Those who believe in simply vanishing and not existing anymore, that's what happens to them. Of course the uniform belief that an all powerful Death takes you away is not the point, but the belief of what happens to you after death is interesting.

This is so meaningful for anyone, because in life we can never prove or know what will happen after death, but if you provide meaning in death, before you die, you can provide meaning in life as well. Especially at the moment of death, you try to take comfort and seek solace by providing your life meaning. When struck with grief from a death of a loved on, certain beliefs can provide us peace of mind. 'They have moved on to a better place'. Therefore whatever we believe in is our choice.

Those terrorist bombers who believe in their heaven with so many virgins, is considered insane and mad to us, but it's right to them. It's a matter of choice and perspective, how we consider what are lives mean and in death.

We can still question our choices, question our faith. A lot of things happen in our lives that is out of our control and we blame it on something, we question faith, luck, high power, fate. This is another factor that is impossible to prove and answer for. The world is chaotic, full of timings, chance, probability, a constant clash of atoms and chemicals. We sometimes create an illusion that something else is part of our lives, something greater, something more important, a higher power controlling the uncontrollable. It could be wishful thinking, or it could in fact be a reality no-one knows. What we do know if what is in front of us, what is in front of me.

The whole situation and circumstance that we are all living in this small world together is mind boggling and I do not have an answer as to how and why. I may never fully understand it all in my life time. However I will continue to ask questions and will make my own judgements and find different perspectives before I make that choice. 

Phew.....I could go into much more depth and detail into the points I made, but I'm not going to write a book. There's so much out there. All I can do is to live this life to the best that I'm capable of. And everyone should live their lives to the best that they're capable of. Seek the things you like, seek the things that make you happy, create the answers yourself. For all we know there is only one life, we might as well try and enjoy it.

Sports Drama

Not much to update, so I'd skip this entry if you're not into Sports, follow football, or play starcraft 2.

Football

Anyway, an awesome last day for football in the Premier League! I watched the QPR vs Man City, and the scenes at the end were unbelievable. What an incredible rollercoaster ride for Man City fans, and fantastic drama for neutrals like me watching. Hollywood could not have come up with a better script. Within a space of 5 minutes at the end of the game, Man city was on the verge of losing the championship, but then to scored 2 goals in quick succession to win was amazing. Let's hope the next season will be just as exhilarating!

I support Tottenham Hotspurs, and we came forth in the league, which means for now we are qualified to the Champions League! Woohoo! But it could be taken away if Chelsea wins the finals... Boooooo!. Therefore it's no surprise that I'll be supporting Bayern Munich in the final. :p

In fact lots to watch this weekend coming. Championship play off finals, Champions League finals, MLG Spring Arena Starcraft 2 tournament, GSL Finals. I don't know what's up with the 19th of May, but it seems to be the best day for tournaments to be scheduled!

Gaming

Speaking of starcraft 2, i've actually been playing alot more recently, with my friends in team games and 1v1 ladder. In the team games we're actually doing ok against the players that we have been up against. There have been times we have hit a wall and do not know what to do. My friends love to play very early aggression, which means that our mid/final game can suffer. Still loads of fun.

For the 1v1s I just played enough to get my 10 wins so I can get the new portrait on my profile. So I'm pleased with that. I seem to play very well against other Zerg players, but suffer against other Protoss players. I keep losing to 4 gates, which is actually very obvious that it's coming, just that my build collapses when I play.

I'm wondering why it is so stressful playing 1v1s, I don't know why I don't just play and not care about losing. There is actually a known condition amongst the SC2 community and have labelled it ladder anxiety. People are actually scared to hit the find match button! It's weird, cause I find it can be difficult too. It's normally a 'Fuck it, let's just do it' sort of attitude that ends up getting me going. And once the countdown starts there's no going back. It's partly because it's hard. It's very challenging, and watching VODs and streams is so much more relaxing than playing it. :p

Source: http://fuckyeahstarcraft.tumblr.com

As amongst my friends we've only recently gotten heavily into SC2, and one friend in particular mentioned that he has lost all his 1v1 games so far. But when he looks back on the replay he notices that he could have stayed in the game and win. It's a crazy feeling that is quite underappreciated compared to watching vs actually playing. When you're watching you get to see everything and know exactly what each player is doing. Compared to playing you're in the dark mostly unless you scout heavily. When you have large engagements and trading armies and lost most of your units, you feel as though you've lost, when in fact you're doing ok and just trading. I had quite an epic game before against a protoss, but in the end I left because I couldn't muster the strength to continue, when I could have tried.

I criticise professional players that leave games early, but there I am doing it too. You develop certain game sense that you feel that once it gets to the situation you know it's difficult to come back into the game, you collapse and give in. I'll try not to quit so early in the next games I played. Sometimes you just know though that it's over.

Incidentaly in regards to gaming Diablo 3 has just been released. And currently many people are trying to log in but can't because the servers are full. Craziness! Gaming has gotten extremely popular in the past decade it's incredible. I will probably buy the game at a later date, considering I have exams soon and that there are errors, bugs and over populution. I'd rather wait for all of that to be sorted out first, so my gaming experience will be more enjoyable.

Wow... I wrote more that I anticipated. I guess I'm quite passionate about Starcraft 2 at the moment. Loads of fun!

Secrets

Double Entry Day, just because I found something cool and wanted to share it! :p Frank Warren did an Ask Me Anything thread on reddit and it provided me awareness of his site. It's a community art project where he gets sent secrets in postcard art format anonymously, and he then reads, picks and chooses those to be featured on the site and published books. It's an interesting site that has been going on for years and it's only now that I found out about it. Thanks Reddit! There are many secrets that have been featured that can trigger all sort of emotions.

One striking secret I want to centre on is this one:

The 9/11 was a huge devastasting global event, it affected many people in all sort of different ways. I was safely in my home in England watching it all happen on TV. To actually be there and actually experience the event I can only imagine. The fear, the adrenaline, the hopelessness, the death that occured, seems unbearable to me. And this secret brings a whole new perspective.

It's an incredible powerful image, and is for certain a modern work of art in my eyes. There're so much more hidden secrets within this, it's just so fascinating to me. If you think about it this person having experienced the event, who may have excaped certain death. Knowing that she or he survived, all they could think about is escaping and starting again. What does it take for someone to want to start a new life? Who were the people he/she left behind? The suffering or relief that caused from his/her fake death. The feeling from moment of making that decision must have been incredible! The liberating feeling of freedom? Cutting ties with family, friends, enemies? Then once you've started a new life, the dark and ever increasing secret in hiding your past. The lies you need to keep in starting again, the constant looking over your shoulder? Just WOW!

From another perspective. Imagine the family and friends of victims from the 9/11, where the bodies were not found and then having read this. The images of hope or wonder that their loved one is still alive in this world is also a powerful response from the secret.

Let's think for the moment about yourself hypothetically. If you had just faked your own death how would you feel. Relief? Regret? Those people you have left behind, would you miss them? I'm trying to imagine myself, how I'd feel for me to leave my family and friends, work and responsibilities. It's hard to imagine, in some sense there would be some relief, in another the cause of pain and suffering that would be caused because of it. It's like contemplating suicide, but just escaping and living with the fact you've left it all behind, keeping the past hidden and carry on suriviving. Too much for my little brain to bear, especially on a quiet Friday afternoon at work.

Now this being the internet, who knows what's real and what's fake. Even if this is fake it has created some thought provoking art, and because of that I still commend it!

My Secret

Personally I don't have many secrets, I've had too much of a boring, standard life but I do have a secret that I'm willing to share now that I'm older. When I was young, I can't remember how old, I was messing around with a tennis racket indoors, wacking a small cuddly toy against the wall. This was in the living room, where we had a rather large aquarium, with fishes. To provide context of the location. We lived in a take away, so the ground floor was the kitchen and take away area, and the upstairs was our bedrooms, living room and bathrooms. So anyway as you can guess one swing got a bit too wild and I smashed the top of the fish tank. In a panic I didn't know what to do, water was gushing down, the carpet floor was getting wet! If my parents found out I'd have got a right rollicking so I didn't want to admit that I did it. So how can I get away with it? Well because the fish tank was positioned below the clock on the wall. I took down the clock and placed it into the gap where the aquarium was broken. Then made my way downstairs like nothing had happened.

After some agonising minutes of waiting for someone to go upstairs and discover what has happened. Eventually my mum walks up and finds the damage that has been done, and she comes down in shock and horror and tells my dad that the clock fell down and smashed the fish tank! Huzzah I got away with it! Well sort of.... I was still  the one to clean up the mess with a mop and bucket, as my parents were still working at the time. So although I wasn't officially punishment, it was enough redemption for me to clean it up for myself. At least I felt guilt free in not owning up. Note the fishes survived and we bought a new fish tank to replace it.

So that's my little secret. :p It's not much of one, but it's one I'll always remember. Maybe I'll submit this secret to Postsecret and see if it gets featured.

'The clock didn't do it... I did.'

Will have to think of cool art work to go with it. :p