Admitting Wrong

Time for a more solemn entry for the weekend.

Couples will fight no doubt about that, I've not come across any couple that has never had an arguement with each other, ever. Relationships can be a struggle sometimes, it's how you deal with disagreements, resolving them and moving on that's the challenge.

I for one am not the best person to be giving advice in resolving relationship issues, but having experienced it first hand from an argumentative ex. I've come to realise it's simply to be able to admit wrong that is the toughest test for anyone. Even myself, when I think I am right, I will fight my own corner. However I'd like to believe I can admit wrong, it just can still take time to get there. This is all well and good if the answer has a right and wrong outcome, it's the grey areas that are hard to resolve.

Especially in a relationship when feelings are taken into consideration. My ex would eventually fall on the why are you arguing with me are you trying to make me unhappy? For my ex, there was a sense of obligation that she felt she had from me. I was obliged to never shout at her, I was obliged to forgive her easily, I was obliged to never be mad at her. Yet she was obliged to do all those things to me. Equality in a relationship is important, and yet from me I didn't mind if I did more for her, just as long as she was happy, because that was all I cared about, that she was happy. She used this against me and it worked most of the time, as I would be upset at myself if I cause her to be sad, angry, or disappointment in me.

How do you combat that? It's a no win situation. When someone is competitive, argumentative, always wanting to be right. Are these healthy attributes? ....I can tell you it was a struggle.

She wanted me to literally do anything for her. She had insecurity problems that lies deep. A little spoilt maybe.... it didn't help that I spoilt her too. Yet no matter what I did it was never enough to prove that I loved her..... There were also trust issues. If there was anything I wouldn't do for her, she couldn't accept it. Where is the reason? Where is the equality? ....She drove me crazy.

Relationships are tough, and I believe people can overcome problems, but if someone is unable to compromise or be reasonable, how can they be together. I tried, and maybe it could have worked, if either of us changed. I could have given in all the time, and let her control my life, it would have made her happy, although it wouldn't have made me happy about myself, it would make me happy seeing her happy. You either accept and sacrifice certain criteria and work towards a reasonable solution for both parties to be happy or to end it. We ended it.

Is it just sticking to your principles? Is it being stubborn? Maybe it's selfish? Possibly all, regardless whether it's being right, you have most likely hurt each other at an emotional level and that really you are both right and wrong. The hardest part is admitting you are wrong. However, maybe it would be easier to think that there is a possibility that you are wrong, and that's the first step. And this goes to life in general and not just being in a relationship.

Religious beliefs, work processes, management, politcal systems. If people can stop believing in absolutes, and think in terms of possibilities, it could be a start in being able to get along with each other. Thinking the possibility that there is no god. Thinking that there is  possibility there is a God. Think in terms of their perspective, and the reasons behind it.

Yet, even by doing so, you can't count out generally bad people. Vindictiveness, selfishness, greed, jealousy are other aspects which can not be helped. Sad as it maybe, as long as there are humans and inequality, there will always be conflict. Even love can create bad emotions. For me there will always be a glimmer of hope in human compassion, as long as people are able to talk and understand one another and not just dismiss someones point of view.

Hmmm... I promise a more positive outlook in my next entry about my ex, because I don't want to provide a bad outlook on her. I will describe the fun and great times for being in a relationship, of which I still miss.

Zerg Rush!

A quick one today. Google has some crazy little easter eggs when you type certain words into their search engine.

'Do a Barrel Roll' try it and see...

And today they have a new one. Type in 'Zerg Rush' into google and see what happens. Given that I am a starcraft fan, this is amazing to me. Small little google 'o's come rushing in from all angles to destroy your search results, and you have to click on them to kill them before they destroy everything on screen.

I believe it's impossible to beat this, as you just get overwhelmed, I love that there is an APM counter in the corner to show how fast you are, much like how in starcraft in how they determine if you play fast or not.

Very similar feeling in an actual game of starcraft where you're just overwelmed with zerglings. Hence Zerg rush. As a Zerg player, this is obviously so awesome to me, even I sometimes zerg rush my opponents as a legitimate strategy, which does work on occasions.

Google has always been a fan of gaming, and eSports has definitely grown. If Google is helping promote starcraft in providing a fun little game, but also educational in familarising the world with a popular starcraft term, it can only be a good thing. Dispite your privacy disputes, I still love you Google! GG indeed!

Zombie Ants?!

Well work is very quiet, which explains why there are more entries in the blog than usual. I am actually a little bit concerned of my position at work, as most of the workI do has become less and less.

One of the main directors has left the company, due to the low share price the company has become and the cost and payments have been taken over by a subsidiary. Thankfully I'm in the head group company, but the chances that we relinquish the control could still be a possibility. Whether the business decision to continuouly try to attract investors will be tough one to make. Their first task I believe would be to attempt to increase the share price and attract potential investors, allowing the opportunity for growth. How they do that I do not know to be honest. I'm just the accountant. :p

Anyway today's topic for discussion is a parasite that has the strangest of life cycles. The Lancet Liver Fluke. It starts from reproducing in the liver of a cow, before injesting its offspring into the feces of the cow. Upon which are then eaten by snails. The larvae inside the snail will drill a wall in their gut and settle for a while in their digestive tract. The snail's immune system will form a cyst from where it has settle and the cyst is then excreted out, from which an ant will digest. Again the lave will exit via the gut of the Ant and will then take control of the Ant's nervus system.

Here comes the most interesting part, at night the parasite takes control of the Ant and climbs to the top of a blade of grass, and stays there all night for a cow to digest. If no Cow digests it, the Ant is given back control for it to carry out it's daily tasks. And it will continuouly climb the blade of grass night after night. Incredible!

Now if you think about it that's a Zombie Ant! A parasite taking control at night. The reason why it won't control the ant during the day, is because of the heat of the sun would kill the Ant including the parasite. That's what you call a survival mechanism, but it seems like a crazy life cycle to continuously perform to survive in this world. The cow could be replaced with Sheep, Pigs, Goats, it seems any animal that has a gut and would eat grass.

It's fascinating to me that there is a parasite capable of controling another creatures habits and movements, soley for it's own gain to be injested. I suppose if you prefer to feed off other animals food and nutrients a cow would be a great host, and you can live out your days just eating and reproducing. Not a bad life indeed, but it seems like a hell of a process for survival. I suppose the cow will eventually die, therefore it needs to find a way for future generations to survive, but to travel between 3 different host, to eventually make it's way back into another cow, is just incredible.

The notion that it instinctly knows what it needs to do to survive, or an evolutionary process is mind boggling. Whether this parasite is able to adapt in this world, or just that the right conditions are met. The Cow, Snail and Ant living in tandem to create the life cycle possible for this parasite to exist. It boggles the mind, to think the number of species, creatures that are out there, but can not survive because certain conditions are not met, or that they are unable to survive/evolve or even adapt to different environments.

Also the notion that zombification is possible via a parasite. Imagine the parasite that is able to transfer to different hosts via biting another. The infected hosts are rage inducing zombies much like 28 days later. It is contagious to a massive degree and that quarantine is needed for many countries from a world wide epidemic. I know people seem to love the idea of a zombie apocalyspe. It's such an impossible crazy idea that it's a fantasy people would like to experience, not going to lie I'm one of those people. The notion of back to basics survival is at it's very core, human instinct.

I think because I'm at a stage in my life, where I'm going through the same routines and it's become quite mundane. A zombie apocalypse is most welcome in my eyes. lol. I can reassure you that I am quite sane.

Mortgage Troubles!

Holy fucking shit balls! My bank has just sent a fax to my solicitor that my mortgage has been withdrawn! What the FUCK!?

Waiting to hear from my mortgage advisor to see what the hell has happened! I'm not happy. Blog is being updated to vent my frustration!

ARGHHH!

----------------
Update:


Resolved! Thank fuck!

The bank were trying to perform the necessary checks I suppose in confirming my payslips. The problem was they contacted the wrong company. The bank contacted one of our subsidiary companies, that the company I work for owns. So they obviously go back to the bank saying I don't work for them. The bank would then think my payslips are fraudulent, and subsequently withdraw my application!

Luckily the HR person contacted my HR manager to confirm, otherwise this would not have been resolved quickly.

A few things here:

1. Contact the right company to confirm payslips!
2. Shouldn't you perform these checks first before anything else? I mean they had to pay for their own survey on the house. If they did these checks first I'd think they'd save some money in realising frauds first!
3. Why not contact me or the mortgage advisor first before hitting that button to withdraw. A quick chat could have made things a hell of a lot easier.

(sigh)

No wonder banks are struggling at times, their staff are incompetant fuckwits!

Decision Making- Puke story

Well Starcraft 2 is still keeping me busy, and annoyingly I'm still wondering what could have been with my ex. I think I'm at a lull period in my life and I'm just expecting myself to get through the process of moving into my new place, and wanting a new start from there.

I've decided I'll start and concentrate on my studies then, but it can't come soon enough. I just want to be there now so I can concentrate on all of this and keep myself busy. I'm  relishing the responsibility of having a mortgage, bills to pay, furnishing, just owning a house, that I can call my own home. All these years I've been renting and paying into someone elses pocket. It's time to invest and pay something back to myself. I'm thankful that my parents are helping me out in the process. I suppose being the son of the family there is still that chinese tradition in having a strong male foundation.

The first place I saw, was great. It was my first experience in getting an offer accepted. To put things into perspective, I had failed my exams, and on the verge of a breakup with my now ex. I put all my hopes and dreams into this one property, as I negotiate well and got a great deal. I mean I felt so happy that I got all the furniture included. I thought maybe this is the point in where I can start again, but then suddenly it fell through and it really got to me. I had a sinking feeling, and was on the verge of tears. It was like nothing is going right in my life. I was left feeling empty and hopeless. Obviously I was really just dissappointemnt, but I got myself in gear again straight away, of which I'm very glad I did, otherwise I would not have found the current place now.

It's extremely silly to think that my world is turning to shit, when really it's still ok, when compared to many other people's lives. I'm actually being the unrealistic one here. I should be very grateful of my current situation. First world problem I guess... :).

Anyway from this ordeal in finding a property, I've realise I am capable in making a good decision. I know at times I can be indecisive, but I know there have been times in my life where I can make important split decision quite well. My crisis management is very good for some reason I don't know why. Story time:

One specific moment when, a bunch of my friends, were on a ways to a friends BBQ. Kev was driving, Andy in the front seat with Jess and I at the back. We had a night out before drinking cocktails as such but this being the next day most of us are feeling hungover, yet seemed ok. As we made our way not 15 minutes into the journey. Andy blurted out 'pull over I need to throw up'. Kev was like seriously? and couldn't pull over straight away, as it was a busy road and you cant just stop there but there was a turning coming up.

Now you know that feeling of when you're on the verge of gagging and the puke is on the edge of your throat, and at times you can control it and even save it by swallowing it back down. Horrible, but doable. Now there are times you think you can hold it back, but no matter what your body doesn't want it and it's coming out. Andy was obviously on the verge and unable to hold it back, so he did what most people do as a natural reaction, but also the worse thing possible thing and that's to cover your mouth as you throw up.

If you're a physics teacher this would be a prime example at it's finest of how build up in pressure works. I'm sure you've used a hose and placed your thumb over the nozzle but leave a small gap to create that spray of water to increase the distance. Well now imagine a mouth full of puke wanting to get out, with only your mouth and hand to stop it from going out. The mouth fails to keep it in, so now so it's your hands. I've never been able to pick up a perfect ball of water in my hands as the small gaps between your fingers always lets the water through, so you can guess what happens next.

All I can say to describe it, that it was like an explosion of utrid puke water, that smelled of horrid rotten banana soup. Luckily most of it went on himself, as I think at least he tried to contain it on his T-shirt, but it's the spray of back wash puke is what hits everything in it's path.

The car manages to come to a stop, and silence ensures. Andy breaks the silence by apologising continuously, whilst Jess is now in shock suddenly says. 'I can't stay here or I'm going to throw up too'. I took charge of the situation and I told her to get out of the car! We all got out, and I went to look at our current surroundings to see whether there were any shops close by.

Luckily there was a petrol station and I helped Andy walk over there and he went into the toilet to clean himself up and I believe destroy the toilet with more puke as he decribes later on. I purchased some kitchen towels and some air freshner. Made my way back and Kev did the process of cleaning up. I suppose it's not much of a story of crisis management but when no-one is on the verge of doing anything to sort it out, I just stepped up.

To finish the story off, we drove back home whilst he got himself cleaned up and got a change of clothes before we started the journey again. We even got there earlier than some other people.

Well change can help put things into perspective, create a new beginning. I've started and restarted this blog a number of times already, and it always mentions a new start. So it feels like I'm repeating myself given the limited amount of entries I have in this blog, but it's a much necessity on my part to keep my self in check.